Saturday, January 24, 2009

Brokeback Molly's Oscar Roundup

Look, I love the Oscars. It's the Superbowl of movies, when my useless, encyclopedic knowledge of the silver screen is quantified and rewarded. I have a contest every year at my annual Oscar party, and whoever has the best record for guessing the winners gets the prize. The first year I remember is when Seabiscuit was up for best picture, and I promised everyone at the party that if Seabiscuit took away the prize, I would blow everyone in the room. The point of the story is that Seabiscuit sucked and was never going to win best picture, I'm the greatest, and I (almost) always win my own contest.

I'm supposed to be in the air, on my way home from vacation during the Oscars, and I changed my flight, that's how much I love the oscars. But I'm disillusioned friends, and where else but a blog to vent my frustration. In list form.

1. Can we fucking recall capitalism already, because I'm sick of it tempering all the joy out of my life. Specifically, I'm talking about this ever burgeoning "oscar season," wherein every film worth seeing gets released in a razor thin period so they will be fresh in the academy's mind and get their needed box office boost to succeed. It means that for 11 and a half months of the year there's nothing to see in theaters, and then all at once, from thanksgiving to mid january, every movie on the planet gets released.

2. I have been defending the integrity of the Oscars for years. When people lump them together with the grammys, or the vmas, or the peoples choice awards, I see Red. I'm superfly TNT. They gave Milli Vanilli a Grammy. The oscars are serious. They have routinely, for years, nominated people nobody has ever heard of in movies that nobody's ever seen, and every year their ratings plummet, and I loved them for that! 2007 was one of the best years in recent memory for film, and yet, what was the general consensus of No Country For Old Men? "I hated it. I didn't get it." I mean, it was a year when P.T. Anderson made his best movie to date and it was still only the fourth or fifth best movie of the year, don't get me started any more than I already am!

2.a. Benjamin Button leading the nominations with 13? I can only take this as proof that everything I've ever believed in was wrong. It turns out the academy doesn't know the difference between a movie that looks and sounds and walks like a good movie and an actually good movie. It's not a fucking duck, okay?

3. The Dark Knight wasn't nominated for best picture.

It may be that I'm getting drunk and emotional about film because I fell on the ice and sprained my back earlier this week. The pain, oh lord, the pain. It's left me pretty immobile, crabby, and let's face it, crazy - BUT STILL.

Nevertheless. If you're reading this and live in the Detroit area, you're totally invited to my Oscar party. Handjobs for everyone if Synechdoche, New York wins somehow via write in.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Hodge Podge. Like a category in Jeopardy.

I couldn't help but notice that I haven't posted in weeks and weeks, nary a post in this new year, and the world has not stopped rotating. The Lord works in mysterious ways?

My boo's dad died at the start of the year and it's been something of an adjustment. The world didn't stop turning for Dennis Marshall either, but it did seem to move a little wobbly. What I liked best about him is that he reminded me of my grandmother. She died around the same time two years ago. Of course they're different people and he's his own snowflake, but in my head, for the brief year that I knew him, I saw a little of her in his eyes and it made me happy. So now that's done.

It's a new year and of course my annual resolution persists: to be a perfect person, which usually equates to losing weight so that I will finally deserve real love, but in addition! Resolutions include:
1. To not be such a bitch.
2. To throw the spinning curvy ball in bowling.
3. To make a list of every new film I see.
4. To build my website,
5. and finally, to get into a graduate school somewhere else in the country and get out of this place if it's the last thing I ever do. Who's coming with me?

Here's what I've seen so far.
1. The Curse of the Jade Scorpion
Something like my 36th Woody Allen film. Soon Erik and I will see them all, and then what?
2. The Addiction
Something about vampires?
3. Revolutionary Road
It's good. It's better the more I think about it. Download it today!
4. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
The more I think about it, the more I fucking hated this movie. I want to write an entire book on how much I hated this movie, on what a preposterous, useless premise it is, what a waste of fucking money and talent, what a recycled piece of Forest Gump shit it is, what a grab bag of recycled characters inhabit it, and on and on and on, but you know, I got stuff to do. Do yourself a favor and don't see it.

Happy late 2009! I love you all. If you know me in real life, help me keep my resolutions and tell me when I'm being a bitch. If not, what a cruel, forever rotating world it is that we can't be together.