Raw Vegan Cheesecake and HOLY SHIT GRAD SCHOOL

I've been up to all sorts of crazy stuff. It's bananas. I've gone down a strange rabbit hole of food/nutrition/hippie doomsday prophecies, which has led me to the conclusion that I should only eat raw fruits, vegetables, nuts and seeds. For the sake of my health, and writing, and an "art project" I'm working on, I resigned myself to a raw vegan diet for two weeks. It started on Monday, March 2nd, so today will be 6 days of nothing but raw food. What do I miss most? Booze and coffee. (2nd place: eggs and toast.) Anyway, I'll tell you all about it later.

I applied to 7 mfa programs for the fall of 2009: In order, from West to East: Oregon State University, University of Oregon, Mills College in Oakland California, University of Arizona, University of Montana, University of Florida, and The New School in New York City. So far I've heard from two schools.

Oregon State University sent me a rejection letter cold and dead as a cursed monkey's paw. Luckily the day before I got a call from a nice lady informing me I got into the University of Montana's MFA program. They offered me a teaching Assistantship. They're going to pay my tuition and give me a stipend. They want me to teach freshman composition and write adorable little stories in the mountains.

OH MY GOD THIS IS SO UNEXPECTED. I'd like to thank the academy, of course. My white Christian God... my agent.
In all seriousness, this is a big deal for me. I've always been very careful in crafting my dreams and aspirations for myself. When I was 20 or so, fat and dreadlocked in a cloud of despair and ganja smoke, looking for a way out of my dreary Waterford existence, all I wanted was to go to school in Detroit and hang out in dirty urban neighborhoods in my very own apartment. Poof, it was so. After that, I just wanted to go to graduate school in a little hippy town and teach. I know a lot of graduate students. They're some of the most beleaguered, resentful people in the world a lot of the time, and no offense to some of you reading, but you are. All you do is complain about teaching dumb kids and not making enough money. Well anyway, I can't wait to join you.

I need some new goals. Listing every new-to-me-film I've watched in 2009 has been a resounding success. I'm 2 films away from seeing every Woody Allen picture known to man. Throwing the spinny ball in bowling still kind of alludes me, but bowling is kind of gay when you think about it. Not that there's anything wrong with that!

If this blog has taught you anything, it should be that the key to goal setting is low expectations.

P.S. Mae, I'll write a book in two years for my final project. Until then, I'll just think really hard about it.